Dear Father
by Sixty Watermelons
Summary: If my father had done anything right, it was showing me what not to become." Songfic to "Dear Father" by Sum 41. Two-Bit's POV. R


**A/N: Oh, songfics. Very long list, but very few written. This one's about Two-Bit. I don't own the song "Dear Father" (that's Sum 41's off of their album _Underclass Hero_) and I don't own _The Outsiders_ (that's S.E. Hinton's.) R&R!**

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Address this letter to Dear Father

_I know you as complete unknown_

_I guess it's better you don't bother_

_All our truths should be left alone_

I sat at the wooden table in the kitchen with a pen and a sheet of paper. All I had written at the top of the paper was _Dear father_... I couldn't even remember his name, and I didn't want to ask Mom. He'd run out over ten years ago. I was almost an adult now. He had to hear what I had to say.

_I learned the things you never showed me_

_Took the chances you'd have blown_

_And to this day the one and only_

_You remain a complete unknown_

I was eight when he left, so I'd never learned any of the things a dad's supposed to teach you from him. I'd always wanted to play football on a real team, maybe for school or something, and the only reason I even knew how to play was because of the guys, and those Saturday morning football games we played for so many years. I learned how to drive from Darry. Mom couldn't teach me—she was too busy working. Why would he leave me? I was his _son_. It was one thing to get a divorce or something, but to cut yourself out of your kid's life was unforgiveable.

_You're out there somewhere_

_I don't know if you care at all_

_It seems that you don't_

_It's as if the day will never come_

_So you remain a complete unknown_

I put that in the letter before scratching it out. Did he even give a damn? If he'd wanted to hear from me he would have tried to contact me. He was really lucky I didn't know where he lived, because I would have gone over there and yelled and screamed at him a long time ago. I didn't want Mom to have anything to do with this, but I was going to have to ask her if she knew where he lived, or at least his name. She had to know that much.

_So many years have been ignored_

_You've been gone without a trace_

_I'm getting used to knowing you're_

_Just a name without a face_

It took so long to get used to not having a dad. One day he was here, and the next day he wasn't. I was only eight. I can't really remember how he looks, or if I look like him. I didn't get over it until a couple years back, when Pony and Soda and Darry's parents were killed. I still had a mom. Who cared if I had some scummy father out there who didn't care about me?

_You're out there somewhere_

_I don't know if you care at all_

_It seems that you don't_

_It's as if the day will never come_

_So you remain a complete unknown_

I did, a voice in the back of my head told me. I didn't want to, but I couldn't help it. It wasn't the kind of thing you could easily forget. Growing up without a dad, nobody there to ask the kind of questions that you need to know. I couldn't ask Mom. I could always ask Darry or someone, but that would just be awkward and strange. Had he fucked me up somehow by not being here? Did I miss something that I would have needed to know, something important only a dad can tell you?

_You're out there somewhere_

_I don't know if you care at all_

_It seems that you don't_

_It's as if the day will never come_

_So you remain a complete unknown_

I kept writing. I felt like a girl, putting down everything I'd kept inside for years and years, asking why he'd left and did he think it was honorable to leave your wife and kids behind? Penny was barely three when he left. She doesn't even remember that she ever had a dad. What kind of man does this to his family? I knew this wasn't the man I wanted to be. If my father had done anything right, it was showing me what not to become.

_Address this letter to Dear Father_

_I know you as complete unknown_

_I guess it's better you don't bother_

_All our truths should be left alone_

He didn't know how hard it was for us, especially because I can't hold down a job, even a part-time one. Most places don't want to hire eighteen-year-olds who are still juniors in high school. So Mom has to work even harder to keep us going. It's really admirable. After a couple days, she put it behind her and went out to find a job. I knew it still hurt her, though. It was one of those things that you can never fully let go of.

_You're out there somewhere_

_I don't know if you care at all_

_It seems that you don't_

_It's as if the day will never come_

_So you remain a complete unknown_

I put everything into my letter. How awful he was for leaving, how much he'd missed in me and Penny's lives…everything. I went into the kitchen to flip through the little notebook where Mom keeps her addresses, flipping to "M." There at the top, with an X through it, was an entry under "Matthews." I looked at his name. It was Keith, same as mine. I copied the address down onto an envelope before going back to sign the letter. The only thing I was going to share with my father was my name, because if I did to my kids any of the things he had done to me I didn't know how I could live with myself. I finally understood why parents always want their kids to have it better than they had had it.

_You're out there somewhere_

_I don't know if you care at all_

_It seems that you don't_

_It's as if the day will never come_

_So you remain a complete unknown_

I walked out the front door to the mailbox, putting the letter in. "I don't know if you care, Dad, but you should at least know," I said before closing the mailbox. I wasn't going to talk to him again. This was the only communication I wanted to have with him. It hurt, but it could hurt worse if he came back after all these years. But I guess I don't really know. Maybe I never would

_You're out there somewhere_

_I don't know if you care_

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End file.
